Hold on to your hats and glasses: This child is living up to his Wild Thing nickname like never before. Brace yourselves, there’s preschool profanity coming in hot.
Three-year-old boy: The Hulk is a boy.
Me: Hmm, yes.
TYOB: Why does he have those…boobies?
(Two full years after I bought the child Fruit Loops as a birthday breakfast treat.)
TYOB: Mom, I need those Fruit Loops from the store again.
Me: Uh, no.
TYOB: I need those.
Me: Well, your body needs healthy food to give you energy and help you grow. Fruit Loops are breakfast candy.
TYOB: Mom, I can have a good day even when I eat shit.
Me: (JUDGE ME, JUDGE ME NOW.)
(Banging face into the mattress in a violent-yet-cheerful pattern.)
TYOB: I’m getting some exercise!
(After being told that shooting even pretend guns at his mother is not okay in our family)
TYOB: I’m shooting you with rainbows! So many rainbows are coming at your face! Now I’m going to throw this pizza in ya face, Mom.
Me: That is sassy, son.
TYOB: That’s not sassy, that’s funny.
May your holidays be blessed with good giggles and childlike wonder!